Remember my Open Letter to Blogging rant? Here we go again….
I have a million other things I could be doing instead of writing this post. But when things are on my mind, I have to write them out to clear out my brain in hopes of moving on to something else. Here’s the deal: things might not work out in the way you had hoped they would. And honestly, that’s okay. Time heals all wounds – give yourself the time to process, distance yourself, and indulge in other things and then everything can, and will, turn it self around.
And here’s another thought: failure happens to the best of us. It’s hard because when you compare yourself to others, especially the others who didn’t fail, or perhaps failed to a lesser extent, you can feel worthless. Your brain can start conjuring up all sorts of explanations – I’m not taking a psychology class, but even I know that happenings can trigger the brain and set off emotionally negative thoughts that can negate any sense of positivity you tried to promote on your own.
Lately, I’ve been stressed, tired, upset, excited, nervous – senior year will do that to you. The anxiety is at an all time high and between college and school and toxic friends I don’t have anything figured out anymore. I used to think that I did; now I don’t. It’s okay not to have everything figured out. In fact, maybe it’s better that way. Life is spontaneous, it keeps you guessing in ways you never thought possible. Specifically, people surprise me everyday. But at least in seeing what you disapprove about others, you can form your own solid set of morals and values.
To borrow from my favorite movie, School of Rock, “The man” can get you down. It’s just a simple fact of life. Whoever the man is – whoever that person or thing or battle you are fighting can really pull you apart and make you feel so inferior and stupid. Sometimes there is not an intentional “man”; sometimes people just say little things and it can get to you.
And lastly, people come and go in your life. And it’s hard to forgive and forget – that’s not really who I am. Stay with me here for an extended metaphor: Some people use you, throw you away like garbage, and then dig through the trash to take you out and try to dust you off, reassemble you. They promise no mistreatment again, and play up emotions that may or may not have some sort of genuine qualities. In essence, these people are asking for you to forget your time as a discarded object, and plead to begin again. It’s hard to deal with these things; it adds extra stress where none is needed. I will admit I am one to over think things, but am I wrong for fearing being thrown in the trash again? And I wrong for fearing the hurt and betrayal and absolute disgust I once felt to simply just return again? Like I said, time heals all wounds. I let time go by and heal my wound. Do I decide to take the plunge and hope not to get hurt again? Friendships, or perhaps more so the blurred lines of friendships, are just hard to deal with.
These things might not seem to go together when you read them all through, but they’ve just been things I’ve been thinking about lately and I need to write (type) it out. Thanks for bearing with me. For anyone who wants a condensed version: senior year is hard. And no one tells you that because by the end of it, seniors have gotten into college and forgotten the horrors of the beginning. Let me tell you: it is disastrous. Balancing everything is tricky; your mental health can often take the largest hit.
On a lighter note, Pinterest is fabulous for getting through times like these. I just search quotes, and voila, a ton of inspiration and positivity shows up. My board, “Words to Live By” is here and I definitely look at it when I’m having a bad day (or a bad week). The future is exciting, and it will be here soon enough. Of course, living in the present is necessary – but dreaming of the future, and hustling and working hard to get there, helps get me through.
….My new mantra ( image from here)